Don't
Talk to Me, My Friends Are Watching!
Parental Involvement
in your Teenager’s Life
Reproduced with Permission of the National PTA
The words above are all too familiar for
many parents of preteens and adolescents. As children approach their teen
years, many parents find it difficult to strike a balance between "letting
go" and "being there" for their children. The middle and high school years
are difficult for young people; filled with growing peer pressure, dramatic
physical changes, and an awakening need for more independence. Research
shows that parent involvement begins to decline at the onset of the pre-teen
and adolescent years; but that doesn't mean children wouldn't still benefit
from it.
The
Great Shift
The reasons for this decline in parent
involvement just as teens are entering middle and high school is two-fold.
First, maturing children have a growing need to develop a sense of self
and independence that is separate from their families. They begin to weigh
choices and consequences, make more decisions on their own, learn from
their mistakes, and establish their own set of values to guide their decisions
and actions. They begin refusing help from their parents and don’t want
them along when they’re with friends.
Second, parent’s roles begin changing,
too, in order to allow for their children s self-identity development.
While parents continue to offer support and love, they begin stepping back
a little in all aspects of their children s lives in order to show their
respect for their children s growing independence. Parents must begin to
let adolescents make their own choices good and bad and have them take
responsibility for their actions and decisions.
Changes
in Attitude
The decline in parent involvement in middle
and high school years also can be attributed to changes in attitude. Young
people make it clear they don t want their parents playing the same large
role in their upbringing and schooling that they once did. Many parent-student
activities that children find acceptable in elementary school, like registering
for classes, attending school events, or walking to and from school, are
seen as student-only events by middle and high school students. In Education Week s 1999 Quality Counts
report on the state of U.S. education, 56 percent of 8th graders surveyed
consider lack of parent involvement either "not to be a problem" or a "minor
one." Many parents tend to think the same way. In Playing Their Parts,
a 1999 study by the research group Public Agenda, 35 percent of parents
with children in secondary grades believed that a child s embarrassment
over a parent s involvement was a major reason why parents become less
involved in school as children get older. Twenty-five percent of parents
think that "kids can handle school on their own and need parents less"
in secondary school. As kids grow, it becomes a challenge for some parents
to remain involved in their child s lives at home, let alone at school. As children begin to adjust to their
new school environments and meet the challenges of their new courses, parents
may have less understanding of the work their kids are doing in school.
Parents may feel unable to help with homework and hesitate to discuss curriculum
issues with teachers, resulting in their becoming less involved overall.
Reversing
the Trend
Research has shown that those middle and
high schools that help families adjust to this transition show higher student
achievement, higher graduation rates, and have more students admitted to
colleges. A 1999 study by U.S. News and World Report, 96 schools identified
as educationally outstanding, 80 percent of them had developed strong partnerships
with parents.
Many research studies have shown that
when parents are involved in their child s education, these students achieve
more regardless of their socioeconomic status, ethnic/racial background,
or the parent s own education level. Last year, the National PTA conducted
a telephone survey of 800 parents of public school children from across
the country. Ninety-one percent of parents polled felt that it was extremely
important for parents to be involved in their children’s education regardless
of grade level.
Effective
Parenting
Though many parents might be surprised
to realize it, research shows that they have a strong influence on their
teenage children. Many parents want to be involved, but just don t know
how. There are many things parents can do to maintain strong involvement
in their children s lives as they approach adolescence.
* Keep lines of communication open.
Parents need to have regular conversations with their teens and supply
them with honest and accurate information on the many issues teens face.
Start important discussions with your children and teens about smoking,
drugs, sex, drinking even if the topics are difficult or embarrassing.
Don t wait for teens to come to you.
*Set fair and consistent rules. Parents
need to set boundaries that help children learn that with their new independence
comes responsibility. Parents and adolescents can work together to set
appropriate limits. Be sure that young people understand the purpose behind
the rules.
* Support their future. Even if parents
don t feel they can help with homework, parents need to demonstrate that
education is important to them and their child s future. It s important
to know children s teachers and to create a home environment that supports
learning.
*Be an example. Parents need to demonstrate
appropriate behaviors. Show concern for and be involved in the community
and at school. Maintain regularly scheduled family time to share mutual
interests, such as attending movies, concerts, sporting events, plays,
or museum exhibits.
Friendly
School Communities
Although students may not want parents
directly involved in their classroom, there are many ways parents can be
involved in middle and high schools that lead to positive effects on students.
In order to help schools involve parents, in 1997 the National PTA created
the National Standards for Parent/Family Involvement Programs. Here are
some successful program ideas school communities have used to create comprehensive
parent involvement programs.
* Provide special transition or orientation
sessions for parents and students entering middle and high school.
*Establish a family resource center
at your school to share information and provide parenting classes and other
resources on adolescent development.
* Provide training and instruction for
parents on curriculum, teaching methods, and tracking, assessment, and
placement procedures and how they effect students.
* Encourage parents to volunteer by
adopting and sponsoring academic programs, school clubs, or teams.
* Invite parents and students to serve
on site-based management teams to participate in school decision-making.
* Invite teachers, parents, and students
to work together to design and monitor different community service experiences.
Everyone
Benefits
Increasing parent involvement in middle
and high schools benefits everyone parents, teachers, schools, and (whether
they want to admit it) the students themselves. Understanding how young
people feel about their parents during their middle and high school years
is important to developing effective parent involvement programs.
When students have a chance to work
with adults as equals on projects, each group gains a better understanding
of the other, communications improve, and relationships flourish. While
kids will still get embarrassed and will probably continue to say things
like, "Don t talk to me, my friends are watching," they will reap the benefits
for years to come.
